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Sunday, October 7, 2012

Passion Without Knowledge (Clarity On Charity)

I had an interesting conversation recently with someone about causes that people fight for or believe in. It was my OPINION ( I put opinion in large caps to fend off the easily angered) that these types of people are in three different categories.

THE PASSIONATE WITH KNOWLEDGE:

I love talking to these people more than anything. Not only do they strongly believe in the causes they support but you can have an informed discussion with them about that cause without them getting frustrated with you and actually gain a little clarity on why it is so important. In lamens terms its an actual conversation like people used to have before 1995 when text messaging was invented. They provide you with the proper information needed to make an informed decision on your own instead of getting guilted or cohearsed into a choice.

THE PASSIONATE WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE:

Danger! Beware of rabid dog. These people are passionate about causes but for the wrong reasons. They prefer the Guitar Hero approach to causes. "We want to play the music but we don't want to take the time to learn the notes." For them its more of a trendy thing to do versus actually believing in the cause. These people will attack you for not being as passionate as they are about their causes. They are "Pro Life" and will throw a fire bomb through a abortion clinic window to prove it. These people make signs that say "support the troops kill the officers" they flood your feed with dogs left in cars by owners but couldn't tell you where their toddler was in a crowded park. SIDE NOTE: I can't tell you how many times I've had to comfort a screaming 5 year old until their mother came running up. Ironically the dog was with them but not the child. Priceless!

NOT PASSIONATE BUT KNOWLEDGEABLE:

Very unique group of people. They are aware of everything going on around them but are not as passionate when it comes to stepping up and getting involved. There are so many causes to choose from. Where do you start? How do you decide? Instead of commiting themselves to one or more causes they just help when they can. They give money to charity when asked. they feed a stray animal or give money to a homeless person. They don't go out looking for causes but just deal with the situation as it arises. I put myself in this category. The passionate with knowledge appreciate your efforts on any level. The passionate without knowledge thinks your a joke and gets angry with you fo eating tuna because dolphins get stuck in the fishing nets. So when it was just tuna getting caught in the nets it was okay?

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Beautiful Disasters

This is a compilation of two years worth of my quotes which are being referred to as Nolanisms. None of these were possible without alcohol. I dedicate this blog to Kristy and Bianca. Thank you for liking me even though I'm a huge prick. 


You have more assholes than excuses!

420. I don’t smoke pot that's my credit score.

ANSWER: coffee, tea, cup-o-soup. QUESTION: Things Muhammad Ali couldn't drink without spilling.

Anyone coming out tonight? I need someone to keep me company while I cry in my beer.

Arguing with someone about religion is pointless.  It’s like playing chess with a retarded kid and trying to explain what they are doing wrong.

At Etro drinking amaretto sours like a little girl. I'm telling everyone its scotch but keep licking my lips.

Before Obama got elected people used to look around first before making a racist comment. I miss those days.

Being the one to initiate a break up is like sex with a winner.

Black people don't go to therapy, we go to church.

Condoms don't always work so as a back up birth control I only live at places that are located at the top of some stairs.

Dating was hard enough to begin with now I have to compete with dudes wearing eye liner and lesbians. I’ve had it. Now I’m getting even one lesbian at a time.

Did you ever notice fat people never get taken hostage?

Do you ever get the feeling God is laughing at you? Not with you at you.

Does anyone know how to trouble shoot IPhones? Mine keeps sending people pictures of my dick.

Either I smell really good or everyone else really stinks.

Facebook should allow you to make sub folders: friends list, casual friends, people I met when I was drunk.

First cock block ever? GOD! When he knocked up Mary and her poor hubby was left with blue balls raising another guy’s kid.

God is a big kid with an ant farm. Don't piss him off or out comes the magnifying glass.

It's okay to sin. God is always watching so it might as well be entertaining.

Great icebreaker when meeting a woman for the first time: Wow your hands are small. Bet they would make my dick loom huge.

Honor thy father he buys you shit.

I  wonder if pimps text message their hoes. "Where the fuck is my money?" *smiley face*

I can't kiss you with Creed playing. Can't risk it being our song.

I don't care how nice you are if you have a German accent your still creepy. Guy asked me directions and I almost started crying.

I don't know who I hate more. Vegans, hippies or hipsters. They all play hackey sack and sit around farting because they forgot how to laugh.

I drank a bottle of Nyquil and woke up on my floor 4 in the morning. I haven’t partied like that since the flu epidemic of 92”.

I figured out why dudes where skinny jeans now. Lesbians bought all the size 34 jeans.

I finally figured out who was behind the death's of Tupac and Biggie. The people who had the most to gain from it. "Air Brush Artist"

I hate fake people! A drive by is how thugs remove you from their friends list. I have to settle for deletion.

I hate running into old friends you stopped being friends with on bad terms. I got nervous and waved at her like a gay man seeing his first boyfriend across the room. Pull it together!

I have a black belt in the art of the flirtatious insult.

I have an ingenious understanding of what’s wrong I just don't know how to fix it.

I have an Iphone now. Yes I'm better than you. Anyone know how to use this thing?

I just counted ten cars drive by with a dog sitting in their lap. Driving and texting is a crime but animals between you and the steering wheel is okay? If you intend to comment how you drive with your dog in your lap before you post: 1. Go stand in front of a mirror. 2. Take a deep breathe. 3. Punch yourself in the face.

I just had an encounter with a homeless guy ripped like a damn bodybuilder asking me for money. I told him know because he would just use it to buy creatine.

I just made a Harry potter reference to a girl. I wasn't hitting on her but I still feel like a Muggle.

I just spent over two hours watching inception thinking how shitty this movie is then I woke up and realized I only dreamed that I was watching this shitty movie and it really hadn't started yet.

I like using bug bombs it feels like I'm committing tiny genocide.

I live in a corporate world ran by children. Almost tripped over his umbilical cord leaving the interview.

I love Greyhound bus station. Every time I'm here I like to pretend I'm at that bar in Star Wars.

I love when my 8 year old comments on other peoples shitty parenting. I just wish he would whisper when he does it.

I need to clean my car out asap. I got in it this morning to drive to the store and a raccoon jumped out the back seat and put the seatbelt on.

I realized something while hanging by myself tonight..... I'm kind of a dick!

I really need to stop watching zombie movies. Its still dark when I leave for work in the morning and saw a dark figure of a man walking slowly towards me and immediately thought the worst.

I remember my mother used to take me to the women's restroom when I was a kid and no one cared. You could be 38 and its ok as long as your with your mother. But don't take your daughters to the men's room. Little girl staring at me while I pee. Wtf!

I saw a gangsta nerd at HEB. He was saggin' and floodin' at the same time.

I spent a big portion of my life not really giving a crap about anyone then I had a kid. The first time I saw him I pulled a Grinch and my heart grew three sizes bigger. Then it started spreading to caring about people around me. I wish there was a switch where I could turn that part off again and say the hell with everyone else. I'm working on an anti-virus for fake friends.

I think I'm getting sick. I'm hungry, my eyes are blood shot and I have the munchies. Hope it's not the flu.

I think they should stop showing the guy with the hole in his throat for anti smoking campaigns it’s obviously not working. Just show a really ugly person smoking that will make anyone quit.

I use coke to intensify my personality. Unfortunately I'm an asshole.

I want everyone to know I am the shit and your about to smell it.

I was a   religious once. Then I got better.

I was actually cock blocked by my own allergies.

I was in the bathroom with my Pogge while she smoked because it was too cold outside. We told everyone we were doing cocaine because smoking inside is illegal and we didn't want to get in trouble.

I was introduced to this guy my friend is dating who has the worst breathe ever. He thinks we’re friends now because I was buying him shots of Rumplemintz all night.

I was too tired to talk to anyone last night. I was like Anne Franke hiding from the census guy. Za Germans are here. Let me sleep!

I wish I could work on a crime show like NCIS. My life would be in danger ever Wednesday between 8-9pm but you can't beat those hours.

I wish time machines existed. I would go back and bring past Nolan to 2011. Give him a list of names and cab fair and let him go kick some ass. And when I take him back to his time, right after he steps out I'm going to punch him in the face for wearing turtle necks all the time.

I wonder if Hitler ever had house guest. I would be too afraid to use his showers.

I wonder if in the way people actually realize they are in the way.

If an ex spends 8 months telling you how much they miss you and love you and your not sure if they are lying or not. If their lips are moving they most likely are.

If anyone on my friends list is the following: bipolar, insecure, full of shit, judgmental or a scientologist. Please delete me!!!!!

If the rapture does happen please hit San Antonio first. You ever put furniture together and there are extra parts left over. THAT'S SAN ANTONIO!

If ugly were pretty you would be a 10.

If you can't figure out which bar to have a couple of drinks in always stop at the one with two drunk girls screaming at each other in the parking lot.

If you ever want to get rid of a girl never say "It's not you it's me" then they will think you're screwed up and just want to fix you.

If you're a man and you eat cupcakes for dessert it's most likely your entree was a dick.

I'm no longer going to bars that are handicap assessable. Tired of competing with a guy in a wheel chair. Women flock to them like they are cripple puppies. Jokes on them when they find out his dick doesn't work.

I'm not worried about zombie attacks we have the greatest zombie that ever lived on our side. Jesus!

I'm sinking in emotional quicksand.

I'm tired of fucking working! Let's leave early the bar closes in 13 hours.

I'm tired of these idiots they use for outsourced customer service. We have plenty of qualified idiots here in America. I was happy knowing all our idiots were in one place answering phones. Now they are everywhere!!

I'm trying to be more positive these days so eat a dick and live.

In the past hour I've managed to talk to some of the dumbest people in the world. My I.Q. is now room temperature.

Karma is when a homeless person ask you for spare change and you pat your pants pocket and say sorry don't have any. Then then your back pack falls over and the pocket you keep your change in spills all over the place. You lie to homeless people all the time but its really surprising how shitty you feel when you get caught.

Is anyone else sick of J.J. Abrams? His wife probably had a nervous breakdown by now. He gave her the impression they were married and it after eight years it turns out they were dead and in purgatory. I don't care what anyone says lost sucked.

Is it ironic to be obsessed with irony?

It's 6:20 am and I'm waiting to go to work. 6:22am and someone tried to sell me crack. 6:27am two guys in a BMW pull over and approach me; they ask me if I have accepted Jesus as my personal savior; I say know I'm and atheist thank god. 6:33am two guys from BMW by crack from the guy earlier. 6:45am; sitting at my desk; I feel so much better about myself. Let the day begin.

It's not being patronizing if I'm smarter than you.

I've met so many stupid people this month I'm officially pro swine flu!

I've only known you for three hours and already it would take two days to list everything I hate about you.

Just played The Michael Jackson Experience on Wii. The second the game started he gave me a glass of wine and tried to tuck me in.

Kristy: My brother told me today that I'm the worst kind of person and it reminded me of you ♥
Nolan: Bitch you're going to make me cry! ♥

Left Brain: Dear Right Brain. Please make an effort to be more considerate to others. The kindness you get back is invaluable.
Right Brain: Dear Left Brain. Fuck you!

Mia Luna has officially kicked my ass. I haven’t been this sick since Lost Boys 2 came out.

My car is the new messiah. It died and rose again in 3 days.

Never bring a girl you like around your lesbian friends. That's like bringing a salmon around a grizzly bear.

Never call a woman you like the C word. They absolutely hate being called cute.

Never play scrabble with someone who stutters. Everything is a word to them. P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-Price! That’s 800 points.

New word: Twatzilla (TM*)

Nolan: I'm depressed Priscilla tell me a joke.
 Priscilla: I can’t all the jokes I know you taught me and they're racist.

OH GOD! I was stuck on the elevator with six Africans. Not African-Americans but African Africans. I had to hold my breath for over a minute. They all were wearing really strong cologne called "me".

Only in Texas: I tried to kill a roach today and it came back with friends.

People who choose not to eat meat are called vegetarians. Women who choose to eat pussy should be called vagatarians.

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. And if you have a glass jaw, you should watch your mouth before I break your face!

Please don't take my sarcasm the wrong way. It's a self defense mechanism against stupid people.

Real men don’t cry. Our eyes just sweat.

Remember when people used to just call you when they wanted to talk to you. Now they text you to call them.

Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse wearing a woman costume.

Shopping doesn't make you feel better. Fuck you sex in the city!

Stop getting offended because no one wants to buy your hydro all the time. It's too expensive and never last. Why can't you just sell coke like an adult?

The closest I’ve came to commitment was masturbating into a condom.

The key to a woman's heart is somewhere in the mall.

The only reason I took this temp job was because the job watching paint dry was outsourced to India.

The only thing you need to know about dealing with an irate customer on the phone: Just try and get them to cuss so you can hang up on them.

The Secret works but sucks at the same time. I visualized I needed money and found $10 on the floor at gamestop. At the same time my son visualized he needed a new video game.

There should be double jeopardy laws that apply to mosquitoes. When you are bitten once, said mosquito can not bite you again for a 48 hour period.

They are opening a Walmart in Indian. All the tags in the clothes say made here.

This crying baby is so annoying. Where's a dingo when you need one?

This super sized soda situation is getting out of hand. Small, Medium, large, Extra large and God.

To all my face book friends: if I drunk dial you for sex tonight please please please don't be offended. If you’re into it...... Answer your damn phone!

Was at a cultural festival with my son. They have individual booths for every country in the world. They give you a passport and when you visit all the countries they give you a goodie bag. We went to Korea's booth and they just watched us like we were going to steal.

What ever happened to common courtesy? I'm an asshole and I still say excuse me.

What happened to Angelina Jolie? She is looking more and more like Lady Gaga's skeleton these days.

When I was a kid I prayed for a bike everyday and never got it. When I got older I realized God doesn't work that way. I should have stolen a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Who feels like getting drunk today? Serious inquiries only. Please put in subject line "getting drunk" so I know you read the whole post.

Who wants to go to lunch? Someone who doesn't chew with their mouth open!

Women: you need to take a class on how to treat women!
Why are their only classes for men? Where are the classes teaching women how to shut the fuck up? No one ever gets punched in the face for being quiet.

Why is there is always one person in church crying over the story of how Jesus died? Seriously, how many times have you heard this story? Get past it!

You know you're old when you tell someone to call you on the house phone.

You never know what you had until they yell at you and tell you they don't want to see you anymore.

Young girls today. You open the door for them and they don't say thank you. Just look at you as if it's expected. That's why I put gum in their hair when they walk by.


(Kristy and Bear exit the bathroom)

Kristy: OMFG! Look at my hair. Nolan fix it.

Nolan: I'm not a gay man or a wizard there is nothing I can do for you babe.



I would never wear a condom but I'd definitely wear a Hitler mustache.


You dad is gay? Then why is your house so dirty?


I stopped believing in Jesus long before I stopped believing in Santa Clause.


If we did not arrive together do not tag me. I had to lie to be here tonight.





Monday, October 10, 2011

It's Not You It's Me..... I Just Don't Like You Anymore.

I'm starting to notice the massive increase of mama's boys posing as real men. Mama's boy, is a term for a man who is excessively attached to his mother at an age when men are expected to be independent (economically independent). A mama's boy may be effeminate, or might be perceived as being macho, or might have a personality disorder so that the mother acts as a caretaker. In any case, a mama's boy cannot maintain a healthy relationship with a woman. A mother-bonded man is seen to give control of his own life to his mother, in exchange for a sense of security. The end result of growing up in this scenario is that he forgets how to treat other women and he’s really only into himself. How many of you have boyfriends like this past or present? The guy who expects so much of you and he’ll only do things for you to get something in return. Some of you have that man now, you probably have chosen to ignore it and overlook the obvious. Whatever happened to a 50/50 relationship? These are men who expect you to do things like clean the apartment, wash his clothes, make him dinner, make love to him when you are tired, take care of him when he is sick and the list goes on. I love women, I really do. When a woman is in love with a man she’ll do almost anything to please him, to include overlooking the obvious. In this instance the obvious is that he’s selfish as hell and he thinks that the world revolves around him. In his small mind he feels that it is a privilege for you to be with him. We’ve all heard the expression, “You don’t know what you have, until it’s gone”. Most men learn their lesson when the woman they’re currently with is gone and he finally realizes exactly how much he actually loved her. It's time to grow up, seek real intimacy over porn.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Gleeking

GLEEKING (Verb)
There is a serious issue that needs to be addressed. I and many others suffer from an embarrassing condition called Gleeking. I have live in fear for many years of this horrible secret being exposed but I no longer wish to hide this affliction. In general, Gleeking occurs when an accumulation of saliva in the sublingual gland is propelled out in a stream when the gland is compressed by the tongue. The stream of saliva is released in the general direction of the front of the mouth. If the mouth is open the spit may project several feet, hitting some poor un-expecting person with projectile spit in the face or the back of head. If you too are a sufferer of Gleeking just know you are not alone and there are others out there who understand.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred moments
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moment's so dear

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred moments
That’s how many Gleeks, happen a year

It happens while yawning, while talking
And sometimes during laughter
In small amounts, in large amounts
And some you can’t notice

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred moments
That’s how many Gleeks, happen a year

How many times have you spit on someone
Someone close that was a friend.
A neighbor, a teacher or someone’s brother
Have you ever Gleeked without fear

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred moments
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moment's so dear

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred moments
That’s how many Gleeks, happen a year

You feel like a freak whenever it happens
Just know that your not the only one
Some people Gleek with a passion
Some people Gleek and feel alone

Just remember you’re not on your own…
Just remember you’re not on your own…
Just remember you’re not on your own…

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred moments
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moment's so dear

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred moments
That’s how many Gleeks, happen a year

Friday, May 20, 2011

It's A Cell Phone Not A Microphone!

I love the fact that a large black woman was kicked off a train for her obnoxious 16 hour cell phone conversation. The fact that she was large and black has nothing to do with this blog but in a way it totally it does. I can picture all the white people looking over their shoulder to see if it’s okay to laugh. IT IS OKAY TO LAUGH!!! I’m shocked it took 16 hours for someone to finally say something. I would have pulled a Larry David and started repeating everything she said loudly enough for her to get the point. They need to add side tones to cell phones so people can actually hear themselves talking.
Have you ever watched people in a restaurant having conversation and they immediately stop talking the second the waiter walks up to refill water glasses. It’s like a personal face to face conversation is sacred to them. Have you ever been in an elevator with a group of people? The silence is deafening? That same person will blast their cell phone conversation across a crowded room without a second thought. I consider these people to be sleeper cells; cell phone bombers just waiting for the right opportunity to strike on unsuspecting bystanders. There really isn’t much separating a suicide bomber from a cell phone bomber. Is that too extreme? Let’s examine this a bit further.

The psychology of a present day fundamentalist suicide bomber is extremely puzzling. These people generally have low self esteem and kill themselves and others in order to reach a higher level of self-esteem. Typically people who have loud cell phone conversations use their cell phones as a third party dependency. They do not communicate as much with others on a face to face basis and are more prone to expect a negative response from people they have actual contact with. For them to reach a higher level of self esteem they need to inconvenience the people around them to give off the appearance they are a social person. Hence the term “Cell Phone Bomber”. A suicide bomber is promised 72 virgins so I’m assuming a cell phone bomber is promised something like 4 Bars no matter where you’re calling from. 

The cell phone is already the worst invention in the world. They finally figured out a way to legalize crack in the form of telecommunications. “What could we possibly do to make cell phones worse than they already are” says some big-wig in a corporate office that I made up for the purpose of this blog. “I know lets add a speaker phone.” OMFG!!!! The only thing worse than listening to someone’s loud convo on a cell phone is listening to someone’s squawking parrot like voice over a speaker phone? What the fuck man! Why are you using speaker phone in a public place? Why do we have to listen to your below average girlfriend snort and winnie and your lame jokes because you think it’s cool to use a speaker phone?

The simple fact is that people are losing the most basic of manners that anyone that was born before 1978 has. People just do not have consideration for the people around them. This goes for everything from a simple excuse me when they have to get by or a thank you when someone opens the door for them. When dealing with an obnoxious cell phone talker always assume the transgressor is ignorant, not arrogant. This way you won't feel wronged and can communicate your message with less contempt and hostility.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Are hipsters like soldiers of fortune of style?

Hipsters (Urban Dictionary)

Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20's and 30's that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter. The greatest concentrations of hipsters can be found living in the Williamsburg, Wicker Park, and Mission District neighborhoods of major cosmopolitan centers such as New York, Chicago, and San Francisco respectively. Although "hipsterism" is really a state of mind, it is also often intertwined with distinct fashion sensibilities. Hipsters reject the culturally-ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers, and are often be seen wearing vintage and thrift store inspired fashions, tight-fitting jeans, old-school sneakers, and sometimes thick rimmed glasses. Both hipster men and women sport similar androgynous hair styles that include combinations of messy shag cuts and asymmetric side-swept bangs. Such styles are often associated with the work of creative stylists at urban salons, and are usually too "edgy" for the culturally-sheltered mainstream consumer. The "effortless cool" urban bohemian look of a hipster is exemplified in Urban Outfitters and American Apparel ads which cater towards the hipster demographic. Despite misconceptions based on their aesthetic tastes, hipsters tend to be well educated and often have liberal arts degrees, or degrees in math’s and sciences, which also require certain creative analytical thinking abilities.

Things that hipsters love!

Music that doesn't even exist yet:

By the time the band has formed, hipsters don't like it anymore. Impromptu jam-sesh or bust.


Farming:

Vegetables from grocery stores are just reasonably priced poison.

Logan Square:

It's like a more Bucktownish Bucktown.

Not-for-profit Organizations:

Sorry that we care.

Non-iPod Issued Headphones:

It's a sound quality thing... you wouldn't get it.



Fixies:

Gears are for conformists.

Meekness:

Nothing says "banker" like good posture and eye contact.


Boomboxes:

If it isn't 1992, and you aren't black, leave the boombox at home.


Exaggerated Mustaches:

The mustache can be real or fake. The only requirement is that it makes you look like a character from the "Great Gatsby".


Outside of Boondocks one night a drunken hipster was proudly showing me his "fauxtoo", which was a tattoo he had drawn on his arm with a Sharpie marker. It was a penis with boobs.

I look at the hipsters, and I think, “Well, I like that haircut. I like those pants. I like Coop’s devil girl and Bettie Page and tattooes. I like Eames chairs and Millie’s omelettes and funny blue-tinted drinks.” So why do I resent these people so much?

Now hipster look has become generic and meaningless. People with blue hair listen to top 40. People spend hundreds of dollars trying to look like they shop at the thrift store. They have appropriated the style, yet discarded everything that the style stood for.

Very funny epsiode of a show that combines two of my favorite things hipsters and zombies.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/238677/happy-endings-maxs-school-of-hipster











 
 

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

FUCK MYSPACE!!!

I needed to get in touch with a friend who surprisingly did not have a Facebook. So today I logged onto Myspace for the first time in what felt like eons, and I was so frustrated with the experience of the visual STD that is MySpace. From my guess I think they were trying to come across as Facebook in an effort to regain the many lost subscribers they once had. I assure you this was a half ass attempt. I haven’t seen a debacle like this since Bruce Jenner in between facelifts.

I had over four hundred e-mails from internet hookers and spam. At least 30% of those were some hip new band trying to get me to listen to their crappy music. Server issues are ridiculous. It took me four times to log in because of the twelve million thirteen year old girls trying to log on at the same time to blog about Justin Beiber, who is a total douche bag as a kid and will be a douche bag as an adult. I wish someone would do us a favor and molest that kid already.  Okay, way off track!
Get your ass over here Beiber!














I understand it’s a free site and the advertisements pretty much fund the entire thing but the second I was able to log on my home page was flooded with ads and promotions. I’m all about getting paid but there has to be a more tasteful way of doing that. I did like the fact that you could add your own music to your profile page but no one ever changed up the music. There are so many times I can listen to “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry. Their career lasted as long as it takes a bag of ice to melt.

Why is this allowed!!
Myspace has not only broken up several relationships but many friendships as well with their ridiculous apps. My favorite was the top 8 which today is like the top 100 or something now.  This was the ultimate people’s choice awards. It was crazy how many people based their relationship with you by where they were placed on your friends list. You always lied and said “I really don’t even pay attention to that stuff”. BULLSHIT! You ever move someone from their position and immediately get a text “are you mad at me?”.  You knew exactly what you were doing. I think they increased it because of the amount of people dropping dead from the stress of picking and choosing. It was like Sophie’s choice at one point for me.

Don’t get me started on the “own your friends” app. An adorable version of slavery. Can’t tell you how many times my exes dickhead ex-boyfriends would purchase her while we were dating and leaving sexual comments. Not to mention how many times she got mad at me because some random girl not even on my friends list kept purchasing me from her. It’s bad enough I’m only worth $1500 on the Myspace market  but now I’m fighting with her on a daily basis.

In conclusion:

Raise fists towards the heavens and curse

FUCK MYSPACE!!!!!