FUCK MYSPACE!!!

I needed to get in touch with a friend who surprisingly did not have a Facebook. So today I logged onto Myspace for the first time in what felt like eons, and I was so frustrated with the experience of the visual STD that is MySpace. From my guess I think they were trying to come across as Facebook in an effort to regain the many lost subscribers they once had. I assure you this was a half ass attempt. I haven’t seen a debacle like this since Bruce Jenner in between facelifts.

I had over four hundred e-mails from internet hookers and spam. At least 30% of those were some hip new band trying to get me to listen to their crappy music. Server issues are ridiculous. It took me four times to log in because of the twelve million thirteen year old girls trying to log on at the same time to blog about Justin Beiber, who is a total douche bag as a kid and will be a douche bag as an adult. I wish someone would do us a favor and molest that kid already.  Okay, way off track!

Get your ass over here Beiber!

I understand it’s a free site and the advertisements pretty much fund the entire thing but the second I was able to log on my home page was flooded with ads and promotions. I’m all about getting paid but there has to be a more tasteful way of doing that. I did like the fact that you could add your own music to your profile page but no one ever changed up the music. There are so many times I can listen to “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry. Their career lasted as long as it takes a bag of ice to melt.

Why is this allowed!!

Myspace has not only broken up several relationships but many friendships as well with their ridiculous apps. My favorite was the top 8 which today is like the top 100 or something now.  This was the ultimate people’s choice awards. It was crazy how many people based their relationship with you by where they were placed on your friends list. You always lied and said “I really don’t even pay attention to that stuff”. BULLSHIT! You ever move someone from their position and immediately get a text “are you mad at me?”.  You knew exactly what you were doing. I think they increased it because of the amount of people dropping dead from the stress of picking and choosing. It was like Sophie’s choice at one point for me.

Don’t get me started on the “own your friends” app. An adorable version of slavery. Can’t tell you how many times my exes dickhead ex-boyfriends would purchase her while we were dating and leaving sexual comments. Not to mention how many times she got mad at me because some random girl not even on my friends list kept purchasing me from her. It’s bad enough I’m only worth $1500 on the Myspace market  but now I’m fighting with her on a daily basis.

In conclusion:

Raise fists towards the heavens and curse

FUCK MYSPACE!!!!!